Yes, I'm now importing this lovely thing through facebook! Which I still do NOT love as much as Myspace.
Oh, and I am also learning french. L'avion vole!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
The Secret Life of the American Teenager
AKA How did ABC Family know EXACTLY what happened throughout my teen years?!! And everyone else's for that matter?!
This show is utter brilliance. UTTER.
This show is utter brilliance. UTTER.
The show centers around two families, Preggo girl and her sister, and Grace and Tommy Tard. Molly Ringwald is Preggo Girl's mom, Josie Bissett is the other mom. Josie Bissett totally belongs, what with her Melrose Place past, this show has the absolute makings to head down that path. I have no doubt one day we will see one of these ho's in a situation similar to this:
I have money on slutty Adrienne to be the Kimberly of this show
Preggo chick gets knocked up by Ricky then marries Ben, then Ricky dumps slutty Adrienne to date Grace who's brother Tommy Tard follows them around and decides he wants to marry some chick with some jungle fever. Ricky's dad molested him, there are fake i.d.s, the Principal is just TRYING to help these kids but can't help but tell them all whats going on in everyone elses life (and they're all super BFF with their Obama-esque principal), and now they're thinking of putting the baby up for adoption!!! And it's been ONE damn episode, and I doubt I've explained half the plot. It's as convoluted as a Claremont plot, yet far more entertaining. It even has some of it's own fabulous writing ticks:
"We're/I'm in HIGH SCHOOL! We/I can't have a BABY!" Has shown up about three times this episode
"A child doesn't LIE about being MOLESTED" was said twice by Molly Ringwald alone!!
It's that feel good kind of TV that doesn't make you think to hard but wishes it did, and was sure it was teaching you something. In fact, the end of each episode has a PSA!! So responsible! But really, what this show is good for is giving us what's been missing from TV since the first 90210, Melrose Place, Models Inc, and all our favorite 90s prime time soaps. Stupid over the top drama, over acting entertainment!!!
"We're/I'm in HIGH SCHOOL! We/I can't have a BABY!" Has shown up about three times this episode
"A child doesn't LIE about being MOLESTED" was said twice by Molly Ringwald alone!!
It's that feel good kind of TV that doesn't make you think to hard but wishes it did, and was sure it was teaching you something. In fact, the end of each episode has a PSA!! So responsible! But really, what this show is good for is giving us what's been missing from TV since the first 90210, Melrose Place, Models Inc, and all our favorite 90s prime time soaps. Stupid over the top drama, over acting entertainment!!!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I have a Dream....
More literally, I had a dream, last night, that Chris Claremont was unceremoniously booted from Exiles and the book was relaunched with this cast:
And of course, my home girl,
Now upon awakening from this dream, I began to think of ways to retcon EVERYTHING Claremont has done with these characters, and even Bedard and Winick's killing of two of them. Much thought and plotting went into it and I decided the most respectful and worthy retcon of a man such as Claremont's calibre and profession, a Dallas style dream retcon need be applied:
"It's over. None of that happened."
It was all a really crappy ass dream. Suck my cock, Chris. VIVA LA EXILES!!!
And of course, my home girl,
"It's over. None of that happened."
It was all a really crappy ass dream. Suck my cock, Chris. VIVA LA EXILES!!!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
He may be racist, but he's honest about pubes
There's something so awesome about watching him on the phone with "Grandma" knowing its the Queen. Even if it's a totally fake call. I wonder how many Brits are up in arms about that. DISRESPECTING YOUR GAMS HARRY!!!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Reminiscents from my time below the Mason Dixon Line
I've had one, yes, one instance which I consider semi-ghostly. And most sppropriately, it happened in New Orleans!! Let's give a little backgroud to the story. This experience was on a ghost tour outside the LaLaurie mansion in the French Quarter, at 1440 Royal St, out of the way for most party goers. Ugh, seriously, I think I'm haunted by this place because everytime I read about it or think about it I get overcome with the same feelings I did when I was there. Anyhow, background! A bit of snip snip, paste paste from http://www.prairieghosts.com/lalaurie.html
"Madame Lalaurie was considered one of the most intelligent and beautiful women in the city. Those who received her attentions at the wonderful gatherings could not stop talking about her. Guests in her home were pampered as their hostess bustled about the house, seeing to their every need.But this was the side of Madame Lalaurie the friends and admirers were allowed to see. There was another side. Beneath the delicate and refined exterior was a cruel, cold-blooded and possibly insane woman that some only suspected.... but others knew as fact.
The finery of the Lalaurie house was attended to by dozens of slaves and Madame Lalaurie was brutally cruel to them. She kept her cook chained to the fireplace in the kitchen where the sumptuous dinners were prepared and many of the others were treated much worse. We have to remember that, in those days, the slaves were not even regarded as being human. They were simply property and many slave owners thought of them as being lower than animals. Of course, this does not excuse the treatment of the slaves, or the institution of slavery itself, but merely serves as a reminder of just how insane Madame Lalaurie may have been.... because her mistreatment of the slaves went far beyond cruelty.It was the neighbors on Royal Street who first began to suspect something was not quite right in the Lalaurie house. There were whispered conversations about how the Lalaurie slaves seemed to come and go quite often. Parlor maids would be replaced with no explanation or the stable boy was suddenly just disappear... never to be seen again.Then, one day a neighbor was climbing her own stairs when she heard a scream and saw Madame Lalaurie chasing a little girl, the Madame’s personal servant, with a whip. She pursued the girl onto the roof of the house, where the child jumped to her death. The neighbor later saw the small slave girl buried in a shallow grave beneath the cypress trees in the yard.A law that prohibited the cruel treatment of slaves was in effect in New Orleans and the authorities who investigated the neighbor’s claims impounded the Lalaurie slaves and sold them at auction. Unfortunately for them, Madame Lalaurie coaxed some relatives into buying them and then selling them back to her in secret.
The stories continued about the mistreatment of the Lalaurie slaves and uneasy whispering spread among her former friends. A few party invitations were declined, dinner invitations were ignored and the family was soon politely avoided by other members of the Creole society.Finally, in April of 1834, all of the doubts about Madame Lalaurie were realized.....
A terrible fire broke out in the Lalaurie kitchen. Legend has it that it was set by the cook, who could endure no more of the Madame’s tortures. Regardless of how it started, the fire swept through the house.After the blaze was put out, the fire fighters discovered a horrible sight behind a secret, barred door in the attic. They found more than a dozen slaves here, chained to the wall in a horrible state. They were both male and female.... some were strapped to makeshift operating tables... some were confined in cages made for dogs.... human body parts were scattered around and heads and human organs were placed haphazardly in buckets.... grisly souvenirs were stacked on shelves and next to them a collection of whips and paddles.It was more horrible that anything created in man’s imagination.
According to the newspaper, the New Orleans Bee, all of the victims were naked and the ones not on tables were chained to the wall. Some of the women had their stomachs sliced open and their insides wrapped about their waists. One woman had her mouth stuffed with animal excrement and then her lips were sewn shut.The men were in even more horrible states. Fingernails had been ripped off, eyes poked out, and private parts sliced away. One man hung in shackles with a stick protruding from a hole that had been drilled in the top of his head. It had been used to “stir” his brains.The tortures had been administered so as to not bring quick death. Mouths had been pinned shut and hands had been sewn to various parts of the body. Regardless, many of them had been dead for quite some time. Others were unconscious and some cried in pain, begging to be killed and put out of their misery.The fire fighters fled the scene in disgust and doctors were summoned from a nearby hospital. It is uncertain just how many slaves were found in Madame Lalaurie’s “torture chamber” but most of them were dead. There were a few who still clung to life.... like a woman whose arms and legs had been removed and another who had been forced into a tiny cage with all of her limbs broken than set again at odd angles.Needless to say, the horrifying reports from the Lalaurie house were the most hideous things to ever occur in the city and word soon spread about the atrocities. It was believed that Madame Lalaurie alone was responsible for the horror and that her husband turned a blind, but knowing, eye to her activities.
Passionate words swept through New Orleans and a mob gathered outside the house, calling for vengeance and carrying hanging ropes. Suddenly, a carriage roared out of the gates and into the milling crowd. It soon disappeared out of sight.
Madame Lalaurie and her family were never seen again. Rumors circulated as to what became of them.... some said they ran away to France and others claimed they lived in the forest along the north shore of Lake Ponchatrain. Still other rumors claimed the family vanished into one of the small towns near New Orleans, where friends and relatives sheltered them from harm."
The finery of the Lalaurie house was attended to by dozens of slaves and Madame Lalaurie was brutally cruel to them. She kept her cook chained to the fireplace in the kitchen where the sumptuous dinners were prepared and many of the others were treated much worse. We have to remember that, in those days, the slaves were not even regarded as being human. They were simply property and many slave owners thought of them as being lower than animals. Of course, this does not excuse the treatment of the slaves, or the institution of slavery itself, but merely serves as a reminder of just how insane Madame Lalaurie may have been.... because her mistreatment of the slaves went far beyond cruelty.It was the neighbors on Royal Street who first began to suspect something was not quite right in the Lalaurie house. There were whispered conversations about how the Lalaurie slaves seemed to come and go quite often. Parlor maids would be replaced with no explanation or the stable boy was suddenly just disappear... never to be seen again.Then, one day a neighbor was climbing her own stairs when she heard a scream and saw Madame Lalaurie chasing a little girl, the Madame’s personal servant, with a whip. She pursued the girl onto the roof of the house, where the child jumped to her death. The neighbor later saw the small slave girl buried in a shallow grave beneath the cypress trees in the yard.A law that prohibited the cruel treatment of slaves was in effect in New Orleans and the authorities who investigated the neighbor’s claims impounded the Lalaurie slaves and sold them at auction. Unfortunately for them, Madame Lalaurie coaxed some relatives into buying them and then selling them back to her in secret.
The stories continued about the mistreatment of the Lalaurie slaves and uneasy whispering spread among her former friends. A few party invitations were declined, dinner invitations were ignored and the family was soon politely avoided by other members of the Creole society.Finally, in April of 1834, all of the doubts about Madame Lalaurie were realized.....
A terrible fire broke out in the Lalaurie kitchen. Legend has it that it was set by the cook, who could endure no more of the Madame’s tortures. Regardless of how it started, the fire swept through the house.After the blaze was put out, the fire fighters discovered a horrible sight behind a secret, barred door in the attic. They found more than a dozen slaves here, chained to the wall in a horrible state. They were both male and female.... some were strapped to makeshift operating tables... some were confined in cages made for dogs.... human body parts were scattered around and heads and human organs were placed haphazardly in buckets.... grisly souvenirs were stacked on shelves and next to them a collection of whips and paddles.It was more horrible that anything created in man’s imagination.
According to the newspaper, the New Orleans Bee, all of the victims were naked and the ones not on tables were chained to the wall. Some of the women had their stomachs sliced open and their insides wrapped about their waists. One woman had her mouth stuffed with animal excrement and then her lips were sewn shut.The men were in even more horrible states. Fingernails had been ripped off, eyes poked out, and private parts sliced away. One man hung in shackles with a stick protruding from a hole that had been drilled in the top of his head. It had been used to “stir” his brains.The tortures had been administered so as to not bring quick death. Mouths had been pinned shut and hands had been sewn to various parts of the body. Regardless, many of them had been dead for quite some time. Others were unconscious and some cried in pain, begging to be killed and put out of their misery.The fire fighters fled the scene in disgust and doctors were summoned from a nearby hospital. It is uncertain just how many slaves were found in Madame Lalaurie’s “torture chamber” but most of them were dead. There were a few who still clung to life.... like a woman whose arms and legs had been removed and another who had been forced into a tiny cage with all of her limbs broken than set again at odd angles.Needless to say, the horrifying reports from the Lalaurie house were the most hideous things to ever occur in the city and word soon spread about the atrocities. It was believed that Madame Lalaurie alone was responsible for the horror and that her husband turned a blind, but knowing, eye to her activities.
Passionate words swept through New Orleans and a mob gathered outside the house, calling for vengeance and carrying hanging ropes. Suddenly, a carriage roared out of the gates and into the milling crowd. It soon disappeared out of sight.
Madame Lalaurie and her family were never seen again. Rumors circulated as to what became of them.... some said they ran away to France and others claimed they lived in the forest along the north shore of Lake Ponchatrain. Still other rumors claimed the family vanished into one of the small towns near New Orleans, where friends and relatives sheltered them from harm."
So, you ask, what happened to me?? Yeah I'm sure you are dying to know in fact I'm shocked if you made it this far into the post. Anyhow, upon making it up the street from the bar to the house and stopping to start the story of the house, I began to feel nausea spread over me. A very odd nausea. It was accompanied by these cold sweats and I felt like I was about to fall over. Eventually I just leaned against the building behind me and sat down, and wondered if I should go back to my hotel. Which would suck, the tour just started and I paid for it. But I could not will myself to stand or walk anywhere and was sure I would pass out. I was alone on the walk, which made me all the more worried. However, once we left the mansion's presence and moved on to the next stop on the tour, the feeling left me.
And still now I get a similar feeling when I read about the place. Creepy thing is when I found this a few years later at http://www.hauntedamericantours.com/:
"We've had almost 40 people faint in front of the house, over the past few years," says Sidney Smith. "The Lalaurie House is without a doubt the most haunted place in New Orleans. On one tour stop there, none of the tourists' cameras would work, and only at that one house. Something's going on there. It's spooky." The new owner has no plans to open the house to the public."
On a side note, I'm planning my annual trip to NOLA for this summer. Who's coming?!
Monday, January 5, 2009
X-tend your Holiday Season
A little late for the holidays, but never too late for my heart, a wonderful clip from an apparent X-men Christmas Special that needs as much publicity as possible. Remember Cajun =/= Tard. However, in this case, it comes close.
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